Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in mikeyman10486's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, June 6th, 2006
1:02 am	what a difference a year makes this summer has officially started off on the left foot. it usually starts off on the right foot, but seeing as how i knew this was probably going to happen, its not wrong, its just... left. i cant believe i thought about transferring.. thats right ladies and gents, i am returning to orono. it only took me a week from being away from it to realize how much i need it. theres not going to be any drama with my roommate about anything because frankly, im going to get a single (hopefully) no more kevin's or nick's and in a good and a bad way, no more brendans. i will miss the kid, hes grown to be one of my best friends, although that really dropped off as soon as he went home, i still think hes a great kid and i look forward to, if i get a day off sometime in the next millenium and i am able to get ahold of him (i swear this has a .00001% chance of happening, because frankly, its terribly hard to get ahold of him, and i work a shitton) ANYWAY, i am really lookin forward to goin back to orono and having more then 2 or 3 good friends (sam, gil and tom). im gonna do MB again, just because thinking about going to USM and not being able to play, i honestly had nightmares about it.. terrible.. i know, but thats who ive grown to be. anywho, this summer is going to suck, but its somethin im gonna have to put up with. marc dislocated his shoulder, and i get stuck listening to the boss bitch all day, and with all the shifts i can handle. ive never really complained about my job to anyone except for marc, but i know for a fact that in probably... 2 weeks its going to turn into hell. the only thing im looking forward to at this point, is my brother coming to visit... and that will probably turn out to suck because i probably wont be able to get the time off to be see him. other then that, my eyes are on the finish line, which for the first time in my life i think i can finally start to see it. im actually working towards something now, not just letting life carry me. i am on a path that i myself have designated and i know that, however tough its going to be, its going to change who i am, how i act, and make me a better person. no longer am i just a kid. i am a kid with some direction maybe i'll work on the whole, kid-to-whatever-comes-next evolution next year. but for now, i might as well stay a kid for as long as i can on to music now :-D new tool cd came out, completely amazing. by far the deepest tool cd to date, and in a way, best sounding. you really cant relate a tool cd to another tool cd because each cd has its own "theory" as i like to call it. the theory is made up of "ideas" which are the tracks (obviously). my understanding of it really doesnt go into any more detail then that, just know that you technically cant relate a tool cd to another tool cd, or any other cd for that matter. red hot chili peppers, stadium arcadium. great cd. never was a RHCP fan, but after contemplating getting the new cd for about 2 weeks, i finally went out and bought it. its a good buy if i must say so. its more of a funk feeling then a rock feeling, which is kinda why i like it. its different music, and it kinda explains who i am.. bunch of random lyrics, that when strung apart, mean nothing, but when tied together, sound cool, but still mean nothing. um. thats pretty much it for music... everytime i hear beyonce "check on it" i picture brendan sitting in the room singing the chorus for the next 3 hours, because whenever he heard it, thats what he did... um when i hear cascada, i automtically dance now (disturbing, i know).. and, there was one more thing IF I HAVE TO LISTEN TO ANOTHER TRIPLE SHOT OF ROCK BLOCK BY NICKLEBACK ONE MORE TIME, I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO GO APE SHIT AND RUIN SOMEONES DAY. thank you, and godspeed Current Mood: 6-6-06 Current Music: Disturbed - The Game (Comment on this)
Monday, February 27th, 2006
6:10 pm	1 week i dont like it when people lie to me. i am a good person, but lie to me and you'll see how mean i can be. remember lieing doesnt necessarly mean telling a lie to my face, it means hiding something too. okay now that is outta the way cant wait to be back in the 324. hopefully will be a good time, hangin out with newly moved-back-home people, okay that really only means 1 person, but whatever. working should be fun, got so much to catch up with my cousin with, who im sure has many bad date stories to tell, which is always fun, exciting, and funny. plus we get to make fun of the job we both love to hate. i swear, the only reason we are both there, is because we get to talk shit about the place with each other, and totally understand everything that happens, why it happens, who made it happen, and then what should have been done to make it not happen. bah i love workin @ teds w/ marc. haha im actually excited to just peel unions and make fun of my boss without him knowing it, like teasing him about his girlfriend that he has that he has sworn to us a millon times that he is done with. hopefully hang out with a newly moved-back-home person, as well as martin, my buddy. hopefully this person will accompany me to the movies w/ martin and riss, that way im not the third wheel, like ive been for the past umm ever. bah, bring on the 324. im so ready haha (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 20th, 2005
11:53 pm	long time comin i spose well i spose i should update this mofo. usually i only update when im extremely depressed or something so that i can vent some, but tonight i guess its time for somethin different. well this is a week from hell.. by far one of the busiest weeks ive had in my schooling career and its not even over. i still have a 14 hour day of playing my trumpet ahead of me. i went to the kappa kappa psi right tonight, sat next to my buddy zak and had a great time. im really interested in joining. i also found out that there are more people in the world who are in love with "Transformers: The Movie" they probably even love it close to as much as i do. Jarrod even has the soundtrack, which is hands down the best movie soundtrack ever made. i on the other hand got my downloaded copy of it. o well im cheap things been goin good. im improving daily with my trumpet playing.. actually squeaked out a double g tonight, something that is my goal to do by the end of the year. im starting to realize that there is life without love, even tho i still do not want to be a part of it. I know now that im not goin to find love within the century, but im getting better and better at realizing that it is still gonna come around sooner or later.. i mean cmon it has too right? ive been listenin to a lot of rock, besides tool and finding out that tool isnt the only band that exists. This is new to me because for the last yearish ive listened to tool religiously. my list which was about 70ish songs long is up to an accomplished 731 songs um i dont know what else to type.. lifes goin good, and even tho i want to complain about how it could be better, im gonna let karma catch up to me and not complain anymore peace Current Mood: amused Current Music: Breaking Benjamin - Medicate (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 25th, 2005
11:48 pm	what the fuck. you know, i just dont know anymore. i tried to think about everything that ive got goin for me and all i could think about was my job. i dont have anything else going for me. im so lonely that i dont know what to do with myself. the closest person to me has recently told me shes in love with some other dude.. which im not upset that she is and im actually really happy for her, its just, now i seriously dont have anyone to talk to. i just want someone i can do anything around. someone i can say a stupid ass joke to and they will laugh with me as if its actually funny. someone that appreciates who i am, and not what i look like. i wasnt blessed with good looks, but i was blessed with a personality.. a personality in which when someone takes the time to see it, they can instantly crave more of. but because im not close to anyone anymore, i feel as if that personality is diminishing and theres nothing i can do about it. im not even sure i want to go back to school anymore... maybe im over analyzing, but i think that people dont respect me because im always happy. they envy me and hate me because i am always happy. what i show on the outside is nothing compared to what i AM on the inside, people are just too lazy to want to try to get to know that. people hate me because im always happy, but i hate people because they can get mad. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: schism - tool (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 11th, 2005
12:31 pm	I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut My weakness is that I care too much And my scars remind me that the past is real I tear my heart open just to feel Drunk and I'm feeling down And I just wanna be alone I'm pissed cause you came around Why don't you just go home Cause you channel all your pain And I can't help you fix yourself You're making me insane All I can say is [Chorus:] I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut My weakness is that I care too much And our scars remind us that the past is real I tear my heart open just to feel I tried to help you once Against my own advice I saw you going down But you never realized That you're drowning in the water So I offered you my hand Compassions in my nature Tonight is our last stand [Chorus] I'm drunk and I'm feeling down And I just wanna be alone You shouldn't ever came around Why don't you just go home? Cause you're drowning in the water And I tried to grab your hand And I left my heart open But you didn't understand But you didn't understand Go fix yourself I can't help you fix yourself But at least I can say I tried I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life I can't help you fix yourself But at least I can say I tried I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life Current Mood: calm Current Music: papa roach scars (1 Comment |Comment on this)
12:20 pm	X the movies you have seen and if you have seen over 70 you are a movie whore. 1. (X) Napoleon Dynamite 2. (X) Saw 3. ( ) White Noise 4. ( ) White Oleander 5. (X) Anger Management 6. (X) 50 First Dates 7. (X) Jason X 8. (X) Scream 9. (X) Scream 2 10. (X) Scream 3 11. (X) Scary Movie 12. (X) Scary Movie 2 13. (X) Scary Movie 3 14. (X) American Pie 15. (X) American Pie 2 16. (X) American Wedding 17. (X) Harry Potter 18. (X) Harry Potter 2 19. (X) Harry Potter 3 20. (X) Resident Evil I 21. (X) Resident Evil 2 22. ( ) The Wedding Singer 23. ( ) Little Black Book 24. (X) The Village 25. (X) Donnie Darko 26. (X) Lilo & Stitch 27. (X) Finding Nemo 28. (X) Finding Neverland 29. ( ) 13 Ghosts 30. (X) Signs 31. (X) The Grinch 32. ( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre (new) 33. (X) White Chicks 34. (X) Butterfly Effect 35. ( ) Thirteen going on 30 36. (X) I Robot 37. (X) Dodge ball 38. (X) Universal Soldier 39. (X) A Series Of Unfortunate Events 40. ( ) Along Came A Spider 41. (X) Deep impact 42. (X) KingPin 43. (X) Never Been Kissed 44. (X) Meet The Parents 45. (X) Meet The Fockers 46. ( ) Eight Crazy Nights 47. ( ) A Cinderella Story 48. ( ) The Terminal 49. ( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie 50. ( ) Passport to Paris 51. (X) Dumb & Dumber 52. (X) Dumb & Dumberer 53. (X) Final Destination 54. (X) Final Destination 2 55. (X) Halloween 56. (X) The Ring (LOVE scary movies) 57. ( ) The Ring 2 58. (X) Harold & Kumar (white castle) 59. ( ) Practical Magic 60. (X) Chicago 61. ( ) Ghost Ship 62. ( ) From Hell 63. (X) Hellboy 64. ( ) Secret Window 65. (X) I Am Sam 66. (X) The Whole Nine Yards 67. ( ) The Whole Ten Yards 68. (X) The Day After Tomorrow 69. (X) Child's Play 70. (X) Bride of Chucky 71. (X) Ten Things I Hate About You 72. (X) Just Married 73. ( ) Gothika 74. (X) A Nightmare on Elm Street 75. ( ) Sixteen Candles 76. (X) Bad Boys 77. (X) Bad Boys 2 78. (X) Joy Ride 79. (X) Seven (SE7EN) 80. (X) Oceans Eleven 81. (X) Oceans Twelve 82. (X) Identity 83. ( ) Lone Star 84. ( ) Bedazzled 85. (X) Predator I 86. (X) Predator II 87. (X) Independence Day 88. (X) Cujo 89. ( ) A Bronx Tale 90. (X) Darkness Falls 91. ( ) Christine 92. (X) ET 93. (X) Children of the Corn 94. (X) My boss' daughter 95. ( ) Maid in Manhattan 96. ( ) Frailty 97. ( ) Best bet 98. (X) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days 99. (X) She's All That 100. ( ) Calendar Girls 101. ( ) Sideways 102. (X) Mars Attacks (stupid, but funny) 103. (X) Event Horizon 104. (X) Ever after 105. (X) Forrest Gump 106. (X) Big Trouble in Little China 107. (X) X-men 1 108. (X) X-men 2 109. (X) Jeepers Creepers 110. (X) Jeepers Creepers 2 111. (X) Catch Me If You Can 112. (X) The Others 113. (X) Freaky Friday 114. (X) Reign of Fire 115. (X) Cruel Intentions 116. (X) Hot Chick 117. (X) Swimfan 118. (X) Miracle 119. (X) Old School 120. ( ) Ray 121. ( ) The Notebook 122. (X) K-Pax 123. (X) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring 124. (X) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers 125. (X) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King 126. (X)A Walk to Remember 127. ( ) Boogeyman 128. ( ) Hitch 129. (X) Back Door Sluts 9 130. (X) South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut 131. (X) The Fifth Element 132. (X) Star wars episode I 133. (X) Star wars episode II 134. (X) Star wars episode IV 135. (X) Star wars episode V 136. (X) Star wars episode VI 137. (X) Troop Beverly Hills 138. ( ) Swimming with Sharks 139. ( ) Trainspotting 140. ( ) People under the stairs 141. ( ) Blue Velvet 142. (X) Sound of music 143. (X) Parent Trap 144. ( ) The Burbs 145. ( ) SLC Punk 146. (X) Meet Joe Black 147. (X) Wild girls 148. ( ) A Clockwork Orange 149. ( ) The Order 150. (X) Spiderman 151. (X) Spiderman 2 152. ( ) Amelie 153. (X) Mean Girls 154. (X) Shrek 155. (X) Shrek 2 156. (X) The Incredibles 157. (X) Collateral 158. (X) The Fast & The Furious 159. (X) 2 Fast 2 Furious 160. ( ) Sky Captain & The World of Tomorrow 161. ( ) Closer 162. (X) The Sixth Sense 163. (X) Artificial intelligence 164. (X) Love Actually 165. ( ) Shutter 166. ( ) Ella Enchanted 167. (X) Princess diaries 1 168. ( ) Princess diaries 2 169. ( ) Constantine 170. ( ) Million Dollar Baby 171. (X) Life of David Gale 172. ( ) 25th Hour 173. (X) Vanilla Sky 174. (X) Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind 175. (X) Boogy Nights 176. (X) Braveheart 177. ( ) The anarchist cook book 178. ( ) A walk to remember 179. ( ) How to Deal 180. (X) The Goonies 181. ( ) Big Money Hustlas and on a lighter note, at least i know where you stand... guess i couldnt count on you o well should have seen it coming i guess Current Mood: calm Current Music: metallica - no leaf clover (Comment on this)
Friday, July 1st, 2005
10:02 am	i have feelings too. before anything else, i thought we were best friends. best friends can tell each other everything. obviously something changed on your end because even if you didnt get my calls, if you really cared at all, you would have taken the initiative and called ME. now, i know for sure that you dont care about me as much as you said you do. i believed you once, and i honestly think you believed once, but you dont anymore, and rather turn say so, youve turned me into the awkward friend that its hard to talk to.. i realized that this morning when i called. when you know what you want, let me know, so that i can get on with my life, with you or without you. Current Mood: calm Current Music: norah jones - just breathe (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, June 27th, 2005
11:41 pm	you think you know someone, but then they decide that, no your not supposed to know me o well.. i guess its a good thing that i didnt decide to transfer schools. Current Mood: shitty (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 26th, 2005
9:15 am	2 months + 1 day till band camp ugh im becoming more and more like everyone else every day, and its depressing. [Part 1: The death of St. Jimmy] My heart is beating from me I am standing all alone Please call me only if you are coming home Waste another year flies by Waste a night or two You taught me how to live In the streets of shame Where you've lost your dreams in the rain There's no signs of hope The stems and seeds of the last of the dope There's a glow of light The St. Jimmy is the spark in the night Bearing gifts and trust The fixture in the city of lust What the hell's your name? What's your pleasure and whats your pain? Do you dream to much? Do you think what you need is a crutch? In the crowd of pain. St. Jimmy comes without any shame He says “we're fucked up” But we're not the same And mom and dad are the ones you can blame Jimmy died today He blew his brains out into the bay In the state of mind it's my own private suicide [Part 2: East 12th St.] Well nobody cares Well nobody cares Does anyone care if nobody cares? [x2] Jesus filling out paperwork now At the facility on east 12th st. He's not listened to a word now He's in his own world And he's daydreaming He'd rather be doing something else now, Like cigarettes and coffee with the underbelly, His life's on the line with anxiety now, And she had enough, And he had plenty Somebody get me out of here Anybody get me out of here Somebody get me out of here Get me the fuck right out of here So far away I don't want to stay Get me out of here right now I just wanna be free Is there a possibility? Get me out of here right now This life like dream ain't for me [Part 3: Nobody likes you!] I fell asleep while watching spike TV After 10 cups of coffee And you're still not here Dreaming of a song But something went wrong But I can't tell anyone 'Cause no one's here Left me here alone And I should have stayed home After 10 cups of coffee I'm thinking (where'd you go?) Nobody likes you, everyone left you (where'd you go?) They're all out without you havin' fun (where'd you go?) Everyone left you, nobody likes you (where'd you go?) They're all out without you havin' fun (where'd you go..go..go..go..) Geeze...Ha.. [Part 4: Rock and roll girlfriend] [written and sung by Tre Cool] I got a rock and roll band I got a rock and roll life I got a rock and roll girlfriend And another ex-wife I got a rock and roll house I got a rock and roll car I play the shit out the drums And I can play the guitar I got a kid in New York I got a kid in the bay I haven't drank or smoked nothin' In over 22 days So get off my case Off of my case Off of my case! [Part 5: We're coming home again] Here they come marching down the street Like a desperation murmur of a heart beat Coming back from the edge of town Underneath their feet The time has come and it going nowhere Nobody ever said that life was fair now Go-carts and guns are treasures they will bear In the summer heat The world is spinning Around and around Out of control again From the 7-11 to the fear of breaking down To send my love a letterbomb And visit me in hell We're the ones going Home We're coming home again Home We're coming home again I started fuckin' running As soon as my feet touched the ground We're back in the Barrio But to you and me, that's jingle town Home We're coming home again Home We're coming home again Home We're coming home again Home We're coming home again Home We're coming home again Home We're coming home again Home We're coming home again Home We're coming home again Home We're coming home again Nobody likes you Everyone left you They're all out without you havin' fun Current Mood: cranky Current Music: Homcoming : GREEN DAY (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 14th, 2005
12:03 am	what do i have to do to be happy i guess i just cant be happy.. i try, i really try but i cant. theres always that one thing that happens and i start to think how everyone else is so much happier then i am. i really thought i was happy this time.. but i just dont think i am i dont know what to do.. i dont know what i can do.. i work and sit at home waiting for july 6th to come so i can get away from this house. i honestly dont know what i can do to make myself happy. all of my friends from high school stayed exactly the same, while i changed, and i feel out of place now. not that im upset about me changing or them not changing.. i just cant forsee myself to hang out with many people. o well.. posting in here obviously isnt going to make me happy, but it makes me less stressed out i want to be back @ school with brendan and the gang Summer has come and passed The innocent can never last wake me up when september ends like my fathers come to pass seven years has gone so fast wake me up when september ends here comes the rain again falling from the stars drenched in my pain again becoming who we are as my memory rests but never forgets what I lost wake me up when september ends summer has come and passed the innocent can never last wake me up when september ends ring out the bells again like we did when spring began wake me up when september ends here comes the rain again falling from the stars drenched in my pain again becoming who we are as my memory rests but never forgets what I lost wake me up when september ends Summer has come and passed The innocent can never last wake me up when september ends like my father's come to pass twenty years has gone so fast wake me up when september ends wake me up when september ends wake me up when september ends Current Mood: unhappy Current Music: green day- wake me up when september ends (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 13th, 2005
9:57 am	Where when I hear her, I can see her I can smell her sweet perfume I can feel her skin against me when I sleep Where I won't miss her, I can kiss her Anytime that I want to Yeah that's right where I need to be (Comment on this)
Friday, June 10th, 2005
11:41 pm	what if the world isnt really how we see it? i was just listening to TooL, of course and decided that i would become the music. i sat down on the floor and started to will myself to believe that things werent how they really are. what if we were supposed to see with our eyes closed? what if everything we ever needed was already given to us when our eyes are closed? it makes sense if you think about it. you work hard all day to make money so that you can have a place to close your eyes and see the world how it is supposed to be seen. everything around us that we have, is extra because we as human beings werent supposed to be able to see past our eyelids, but someone, somewhere, led us to believe that we are supposed to see beyond our eyelids. just because we can use our eyes for one thing doesnt mean that we are supposed to use them for that reason. as i "medatated" as one might put it, i became one with the music and actually felt like i was the music reaching my ears. it was one of the greatest expierances ive ever had and i look forward to being in the mood to do this again. i was in a different world, in a different place of meaning. you might look at this and think, bah you werent in a different world, but you are just a weak minded idiot. i wasnt in a different physical world, but i free'd my mind and went to a different mental world, something that everyone should be able to do. but you wont be able to because you are a weak minded person and cannot handle the truth, that things arent supposed to be the way they are. I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away Mildewed and smoldering. Fundamental differing. Pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion Disintegrating as it goes testing our communication The light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us so We cannot see to reach an end crippling our communication. I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them tumble down No fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to Point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over. To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication The poetry that comes from the squaring off between, And the circling is worth it. Finding beauty in the dissonance. There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away. Mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting I've done the math enough to know the dangers of our second guessing Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication. Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any Sense of compassion Between supposed lovers/brothers Current Mood: just.. WOW Current Music: TOOL (Comment on this)
Friday, June 3rd, 2005
10:18 am	so infatuated with you Lying beside you, here in the dark Feeling your heart beat with mind Softly you whisper, you're so sincere How could our live be so blind We sailed on together We drifted apart And here you are by my side So now I come to you, with open arms Nothing to hide, believe what I say So here I am with open arms Hoping you'll see what your love means to me Open arms Living without you, living alone This empty house seems so cold Wanting to hold you, wanting you near How much I wanted you home But now that you've come back Turned night into day I need you to stay. Current Mood: anxious Current Music: journey open arms (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 29th, 2005
9:59 am	incomplete without you Empty spaces fill me up with holes Distant faces with no place left to go Without you within me I can’t find no rest Where I’m going is anybody’s guess I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you I’m awake but my world is half asleep I pray for this heart to be unbroken But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete Voices tell me I should carry on But I am swimming in an ocean all alone Baby, my baby It’s written on your face You still wonder if we made a big mistake I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you I’m awake but my world is half asleep I pray for this heart to be unbroken But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete I don’t mean to drag it on, but I can’t seem to let you go I don’t wanna make you face this world alone I wanna let you go (alone) I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you I’m awake but my world is half asleep I pray for this heart to be unbroken But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete Incomplete i can wait as long as its needed, as long as we can at least give it a shot sometime down the road. for you, its worth the wait. for love, any wait is worth it. yes i know i was listening to the backstreet boys but this song is pretty good Current Mood: lucky Current Music: incomplete- backstreet boys (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 26th, 2005
9:00 pm	gonna wait it out ive got a lot on my mind right now and the only thing i can think to do with it is put it down here. ive been holding everything in for so long and now seems like the best time to let it out. i just have no clue where to begin first off i want to apologize to everyone i have ever wronged. people make mistakes and my worst mistake was not apoligizing from the get go. i feel bad knowing that there might be people to this day who do not look at me the same as other people because i wronged them, and for that i feel bad yes, i have done some stupid stuff in my life, but its my choice. anyone who has a problem with me doing drugs, smoking ciggarettes or drinking beer, all i can say is im sorry. it was my decision to try them and nothing you say or do can influence me to do anything different then from what i know. i had an ephiphany in the shower the other day and decided that i want to change, and this is the reason for this update. im tired of holding in all my feelings and emotions and doing the same thing day after day after day. as of right now, i sit here and jump everytime i hear someone sign on AOL in hope that it may be her. the simple notion of getting to talk to her, makes my heart start beating faster and gets me jumpy and gitty. im tired of sitting here day after day and thinking about what someone else feels. the only way im going to find out how someone feels is buy saying how i feel. so instead of getting all scared and whatnot ive decided that i should just say it. but then i thought about the fact that maybe people are given an inner monologue for this reason. so that we may toture ourselves by thinking about what other people think of ourselves. i believe that the inner monologue is what keeps us sane. if we arent able to communicate with ourselves about things then who can we communicate with? if this doesnt make sense to you, then just stop reading because it probably isnt worth your time because it probably isnt about you. With that in mind, i thought id let you expierance a small portion of my feelings towards you. you know exactly who you are. you are the person i cant say this to because you are no longer a phone call, or a ride up the street away. you are the first and last thought that enters my head every day. i wish i could say that i dreamt about you, but i rarly have dreams anymore, and when i do, i cannot control what happens. maybe by getting some of this out of my system i can once again have a full night sleep. everything that i encounter during the day that can be related to you, i relate it to you, i should say i over-relate it to you, by thinking about what actually happened during that situation that i remembered, and then thinking about what i could have done to make that certain time and place better for the both of us. wheather it be about things i could have said, hand motions, things i could have done, things i shouldnt have done, etc. in essence i over analyze everything i can remember about you. ive never done that with anyone in my life. i do not know why i do this, but i think it is because if that situation were to ever arise again, i would want to make it as perfect for you as possible. maybe im crazy, maybe im not, but how many other people can honestly say that happens to them there is so much more to say but i dont think it is the right time for me to say it. i want to say it, but at the same time i cannot. all i can say is that ive never been so crazy over anyone in my life before, and i guess i dont know how to handle it. if by saying this, it has hurt everything that has been built around us, then i dont care, let it tumble. im sick and tired of living with these emotions all to myself. at least now they are in the open. A groan of tedium escapes me, Startling the fearful. Is this a test? It has to be, Otherwise I can't go on. Draining patience, drain vitality. This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old. But I'm still right here Giving blood, keeping faith And I'm still right here. Wait it out, Gonna wait it out, Be patient (wait it out). If there were no rewards to reap, No loving embrace to see me through This tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would've walked away by now. Gonna wait it out. If there were no desire to heal The damaged and broken met along This tedious path I've chosen here I certainly would've walked away by now. And I still may ... (sigh) ... I still may. Be patient. I must keep reminding myself of this. And if there were no rewards to reap, No loving embrace to see me through This tedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would've walked away by now. And I still may. Gonna wait it out. Current Mood: scared Current Music: the patient (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 9th, 2004
5:11 pm	today today was an okay day.. its only 5 and i know its going to get better though! i did 4 loads of laundry today. thats the last time i slack in the laundry department. i timed it so every half an hour i had to go down and either start a load, switch one over or pick on up. it was good planning. had marching band today, it was fun because we were inside and sitting. tonight is going to rock, im so excited. brendan jess rachel and i are playing racquetball again. im so addicted to that game. i swear im going to go pro sooner or later, if there is a pro anyway. my english paper wasnt that bad.. i thought it was the worst paper that ive ever written and it was, but it wasnt the worst paper written, trust me... i read some of the papers that my classmates wrote. i really wish i could have made the cut to test out of this class. it seems like a waste of my time.. im sorry if that sounds like im big-headed but i really feel that im on a totally different level then most of the people in my class. sara (my teacher) said that i almost tested out but that i missed the test out score by 3 points. o well. now im just sittin here waitin for jess to get here so we can go eat and then go play racquetball. prolly going to study some psych afterwards and prolly end up playing age of empires 2 all night. o well. FUN FUN! peace leave comments! Current Mood: happy Current Music: A Perfect Circle - Judith (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 7th, 2004
8:04 pm	umaine hockey rockzorz my boxzorz went and saw umaine vs unh today and had prime seating, got my tickets at like 11 this morning which was so awesome, didnt have to stand in any line at all it was neat. sat with brendan rachel and a new friend emily, who apparently, i am in love with, or so rachel says. i must admit she is extremly nice, has Great eyes and is very good looking. apparently because it is easy to talk to her i am in love with her and thats all ive got to say about that. after arguing with rachel for what seemed endless (like 30 seconds) brendan and i went to eat and headed over to colvin and proceeded to piss jess off while we watched the football game. i dont know where it is that she is ticklish but i know for a fact i can get her to laugh really hard. it was a good time! last nights sleep was the greatest night of sleep ever, i was so exhausted going to bed. i was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. it was quite interesting to say the least. this weekend should be fun. there isnt any marching band so i am GOING HOME. im so excited to go back to sanford and just drive my car. im going to try to get ahold of marissa and hang out with her.. its been so long since ive talked to her.. it sucks. i sent her a letter and have been waiting for a reply so havent called her.. this is stupid, i know. hopefully i can get a hockey helmet from my brother and then learn how to play hockey. i know the rules and i know HOW to play, but skating is a difficult thing. i havent skated in so long. i can get going but i cant stop, turn, or slow down. tommorow should be exciting.. econimics test at 10, boring lecture with pogo which is probably going to be about why people leave the class after getting their test back on fridays and then im gonna write my english paper. i should be done everything work related by 3 and then im planning on playing racquetball until my arm falls off. hopefully jess and rachel will come play with me and brendan, but if not, i believe we are ditching 2v2 for a bit and are going to try 1v1 Current Mood: pleased Current Music: something stupid that nick is playing loud. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 23rd, 2004
5:08 pm	this doesnt go out 2 anyone imparticular.. after searching for nearly an hour with part of the chorus in my head i finally found this great song Girl, it's been a long time that we've been apart Much too long for a man who needs love I miss you since I've been away Babe, it wasn't easy to leave you alone It's getting harder each time that I go If I had the choice, I would stay There's no one like you I can't wait for the nights with you I imagine the things we'll do I just wanna be loved by you No one like you I can't wait for the nights with you I imagine the things we'll do I just wanna be loved by you Girl, there are really no words strong enough To describe all my longing for love I don't want my feelings restrained Ooh, babe, I just need you like never before Just imagine you'd come through this door You'd take all my sorrow away There's no one like you I can't wait for the nights with you I imagine the things we'll do I just wanna be loved by you No one like you I can't wait for the nights with you I imagine the things we'll do I just wanna be loved by you No one like you Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Scorpions: THERES NO ONE LIKE YOU (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 21st, 2004
7:52 pm	good day i spose well if im gonna do this live journal thing then im gonna do it right. i woke up at approximatly 9:04 this morning and instead of eating breakfest decided to get my exercise done early. i walked to shop n save and returned yesterdays movie and got a new one. on my way back mr.d saw me and pulled over and ended up giving me a ride home so he could see my new trumpet. all i had told him was that it was a new toy and he was convinced that it was either a new car or a guitar. after that i preceeded to take a short nap and had lunch around 12:26. i spent the next 3ish hours between the computer and the TV until around 3:30 when i took a 2 hour nap. i woke up at 5:30 and had dinner and then decided to go up on the computer. the highlight of my day occurs here. ive been "trolling" i guess you can say and was slightly disappointed that a special someone haddnt called me yesterday. anywho i got over it and didnt expect them to call me today, but in fact they did. i talked on the phone with them for short period of time, which was cool. next on the agenda is the watching of along came polly, which seems like its going to be rather funny. afterwards i am supposed to call this fish back which should be fun because this fish is funny lol... surgery tommorow at 12:30... wish me luck people! Current Mood: excited Current Music: On Fire: Lloyd Banks (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
9:28 pm	wowzerz! i have a livejournal lol Current Mood: enthralled Current Music: Bitch by D12 (Comment on this)